For the sake of discipline, I am posting again.
Lately, I have been wondering about moods. How much of a person’s mood or state of mind is within their control, and how much of it is determined by circumstances? As I was driving home today, I was talking to God about life and how much I disdained the way I’ve been feeling lately. Which did not make me feel any better. For a little while, I had convinced myself that I was going to choose to be happy/at peace/not sad today. I was going to empower myself. It worked for a little bit. I chose not to think negatively. But after a while, my semi-positive attitude shriveled and died. Apathy bombarded me again.
Is this all in my head? Am I that sensitive to stress that my moods change with every shift in the wind? Are these thoughts me, or something outside of me – temptation, evil, Satan – intruding upon my being? Do I not want to take responsibility for my own twisted way of thinking, and am looking for a scapegoat? Am I looking for attention?
I have no answers. Nothing is certain anymore. I will do my best to believe, God, but You know that it is only half-hearted right now.
Jesus is Lord. The Bible is true. I believe, Lord. Forgive my unbelief.