For the sake of discipline

For the sake of discipline,  I am posting again.

Lately, I have been wondering about moods.  How much of a person’s mood or state of mind is within their control, and how much of it is determined by circumstances?  As I was driving home today, I was talking to God about life and how much I disdained the way I’ve been feeling lately.  Which did not make me feel any better.  For a little while, I had convinced myself that I was going to choose to be happy/at peace/not sad today.  I was going to empower myself.  It worked for a little bit.  I chose not to think negatively.   But after a while, my semi-positive attitude shriveled and died.  Apathy bombarded me again.

Is this all in my head?  Am I that sensitive to  stress that my moods change with every shift in the wind?  Are these thoughts me, or something outside of me – temptation, evil, Satan – intruding upon my being?  Do I not want to take responsibility for my own twisted way of thinking, and am looking for a scapegoat?  Am I looking for attention?

A Thinker

I have no answers.  Nothing is certain anymore.  I will do my best to believe, God, but You know that it is only half-hearted right now.

Jesus is Lord.  The Bible is true.  I believe, Lord.  Forgive my unbelief.


About rd734467

I am a seeker. A doer. An encourager. One who loves. One who longs to be loved. One who desperately yearns to make a difference in this world.
This entry was posted in Limping After Christ and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to For the sake of discipline

  1. ch449340 says:

    Rachel, love,
    I haven’t found a response of myself to my questions. However, I was just thinking, you know how Jesus in Gethsemane, needed to be alone and just be in still before God. & be in a quietness. As you said, it can just be perhaps of our longing to be close to God.
    I think that there’s a tiredness and stressfulness about our weeks, that causes out longing for weekends. At least for me.

    I LOVE you. & Even though I love putting my thoughts (most of the time) down in words, I’m not feeling like I’m succeeding it what I want to say. Hah.

    We should have lunch or dinner sometime again. 🙂

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